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Childhood Songs of Christmas Past

‘Tis the season to be jolly…

Well no. Actually it’s not really. The commercial demonisation of what for some is a religious event and for others is a midwinter’s family get together drags the beginning of the celebration of Christmas earlier and earlier each year. In fact, we could have posted this back in August and for some it would still not be considered too soon.

However, we do not wish to come across as Scrooge.

Christmas, for whatever reason you celebrate it, is supposed to be a good time, and what better way to start reminiscing over our favorite things about Christmas than to look at some parodies of Christmas songs that are in many cases better than the originals?

Which ones do you already know?

Jingle Bells


Jingle bells
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The batmobile lost a wheel
And joker got away!

Who hasn’t sung this one on a school playground?!

GIF via Giphy

This parody is thought to originate from some time during the 1960’s, although it seems difficult to pin it on a particular time or person. It seems obvious that the popularity of the Batman cartoon inspired it, and there is a theory that the song was spread like some lyrical, um, affliction through playgrounds by the children of the military as they were shifted from base to base around America around the time of the Vietnam War. We don’t know if that is true, but one of our earliest experiences of it that sticks in our minds was Bart singing the ditty in the very first Simpsons episode in 1989.

There is also an Australian version which shows the parallel of Christmas in summer if you’re interested in a different perspective altogether…

While Shepherds watched their flocks


While shepherds washed their socks by night
all watching ITV
the angel of the Lord came down
and switched to BBC

The carol this parody comes from dates back to 1703, written by Poet Laureate Nahum Tate and Nicholas Brady. We appreciate the seriousness and delicate performance given in the version sung in this video, however. The melody used for While Shepherds Watched was taken from Siroe, an opera written by Handel.

We three kings

GIF via Giphy

We three kings of orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car
One on a scooter blowing his hooter
Smoking a big cigar

This particular Christmas carol has been parodied in just about every way imaginable, the above version of which is one of the most well-known.

We also have the anti-smoking lesson said to date back to the 1950s:

We three kings of oil and tar
tried to smoke a smelly cigar
it was loaded, it exploded
now we are orbiting Mars

An ode to The Beatles:

We four kings of Liverpool are
George in a taxi, Paul in a car
John on his scooter, beeping his hooter
Following Ringo Starr

And this love letter to London from the 1970s:

We three kings of Leicester Square
selling ladies underwear
how fantastic, no elastic
not very safe to wear
O, star of wonder, star of light
the royal knickers caught alight
how fantastic, no elastic
guide me to the traffic lights

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Cream of the crop

The songs we have just mentioned may be among our favorites, but here’s a little peek at some of the other Christmas parodies out there and on offer for your amusement.

To the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”:

The restroom door said Gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I’d been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse

To the tune of “Twelve days of Christmas”:

On the first day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the second day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the third day of Christmas,
my drive through gave to me:
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese

To the tune of “Winter Wonderland”:

Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,

From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,
I’m happy — although
My boss let me go —
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There’s beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web!…

And the bordering on inappropriate one to the tune of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”:

Oh you better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m tellin’ you why;

Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk.

He’s walkin’ real slow,
He slurs when he speaks,
I don’t even think
He’s shaved in two weeks

What are some of your favorites?

Happy Holidays to you! And since is the the last year that we will get to see it, here is Obama giving us a little Christmas dancing on ending.